Clean Puns

If two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

She was engaged to a man with a wooden leg but she broke it off.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

You'll get into debt if you can't budge it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

When she got married, she got a new name and a dress.

He had a photographic memory but it was never developed.

Reading while sunbathing makes you, well, red.

The calendar's days are numbered.

Bakers share their bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

Definitions

Shotgun Wedding - A case of wife or death.

Hangover - The wrath of grapes.

Dijon Vu - The same mustard as before.

A Will - A dead give away.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Acupuncture - A jab well done.